The Greatest Dance Party To Ever Wiggle Through Camelot
by starsailor iphigenia
Summary: Crackfic. Companion piece to A Dwimor's The Greatest Warlock To Ever Walk The Face Of The Earth. What happened after Merlin jazz handed out of the Great Hall. No slash, just insanity.


Gwaine stared, a gleam coming into his eyes. He poked Leon, who was sitting beside him. ''Did you see that?''

''Dude,'' Leon agreed.

Gwaine stood up, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. The doors hadn't closed yet; he might be in time. ''Merlin!'' the Noble Knight of Camelot bellowed with all the full force of his formidable lungs. ''Get your magic self back here and teach me how to do that! I want to hold a dance party!''

Merlin peeked around the corner. ''No. Public health hazard. I have an image to maintain.''

''I second Sir Gwaine's motion!'' Leon shouted. All the heads turned to him. ''What? I didn't spend years growing out this hair just to let it sit here. It wants to dance.''

Leon and Gwaine fistbumped. ''Bro,'' they chorused.

''Hey,'' said the King. He came down from the dais and over to them. ''I want to dance too.''

''It's not that hard.'' Gwen patted him reassuringly on the shoulder. ''If Merlin won't teach you, I will.''

Gwaine gave the Queen a look of awe. ''You know how to dance like that?''

Gwen rolled her eyes. ''Where do you think he learned it from?''

''Gwen and Elyan are the best,'' Leon agreed. ''I haven't seen them dance since we were kids.''

Elyan stood up. ''Come on,'' he sighed. ''Everyone who wants to learn stand up and get in a line.''

The Round Table bolted to its feet. Some of the audience came to join them, some backed away. The pursed-beak stuckup anti-progressionist burn-the-freaks men who had been glaring at Merlin remained firmly in their chairs.

''Right,'' said Gwaine, flipping his hair experimentally and getting a strand stuck on the ornamentation on Arthur's throne. Merlin waved a hand from in the doorway and it came undone. ''Thanks mate!''

''See? We needed a Court Sorcerer! He just saved Sir Gwaine from humiliating defeat at the hands of a piece of furniture!'' Arthur exclaimed.

''Arms,'' Merlin corrected. ''It's got arms but no hands.''

''Whoa,'' said Gwaine. ''That's creepy. Imagine if a person was like that.''

''ANYWAY,'' shouted Gwen. She clapped her hands and took off her tiara. ''The first thing is to get your hair free. Shove that crown on a chair, Arthur. Now watch me and copy what I do.''

The long line obediently shuffled and hopped, following her and Elyan's lead.

''This is fun,'' said Leon, his eyes shining. ''I remember when we were little —''

''We need music!'' Gwaine interrupted. ''I think we've got the basics. Merlin, can you do anything about that?''

''Do I look like a bard?''

''No, you look like an idiot, standing there while we're having fun,'' said Arthur. ''Come on, O Mighty and Powerful One, and play us some tunes.''

Merlin shrugged, stretched out a hand towards the minstrels' gallery, and a thudding beat began to resound through the hall. ''You have to listen to what I like,'' he warned.

''Yeah!'' called Gwaine and Elyan together. ''Awesome, bro!''

''I'm Emrys! Don't call me 'bro'!''

Gwaine and Elyan were doing a duet and didn't answer. As he watched them gyrating, he wasn't even sure they'd heard.

''What's the words to this song?'' Percival asked, executing a neat jazz slide and twirling the Queen courteously.

''Can you put them up somewhere, Merlin?'' Gwen asked. ''It'll be a lot less hassle.''

Merlin sighed and glowing letters began to scroll across one of the huge windows. The knights turned to face it and formed a loose formation so they could all follow the bouncing dragon on the words and dance at the same time.

''Come on, Merlin, dance with us!''

Before he could get away, he was swept up into making a fourth in the trio of Gwaine, Elyan, and Leon. ''I bet we can dance better than you!'' Gwaine challenged Arthur. Arthur grabbed Gwen and Percival.

''Yeah? Have you seen Percival doing turns?''

''Whoa,'' said Gwaine. Then he rallied. ''MY HAIR IS BETTER THAN ALL OF YOURS! No offense, Gwen.''

''Let's all form a line,'' Elyan suggested.

''Ooo, yes!'' Leon nearly squealed. ''It'll be better the more of us there are!''

. . . And that was how a long line of gyrating people wound its way through the great castle of Camelot, accidentally-on-purpose kicking over the chairs of the anti-magic nobles, scuffing the floors, and considerably startling anyone who hadn't seen the lessons in the great hall.

Out in the forest, a dragon was laughing so hard he was getting cramps. He hadn't realized just how hilarious Emrys fulfilling his destiny would be.

 **The song I was imagining Merlin playing is ''The Mummers' Dance - Single Remix'' by Loreena Mckennitt.**


End file.
